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[17 Sep 2004|12:13pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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Starting after this post all of my entries will be friends-only. So if you want to be added, now's the time to comment.
I've tried being nice and civil, but I guess this is the way to go.
"This is the way I would have done things up against the wall."
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[16 Sep 2004|04:05pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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I just notice I've got these huge bruises on my palms and my nuckles. That's the last time I let someone get me that angry.
So yesterday I had a fever of 101 and today my temperature is 96.8...wtf is all I can say about that. I still feel really awful. This bloooows--Kinda like the freshman in the alternative bathroom, hah! Tor, that one was for you.
"Stop saying that we're invincible."
4:40
Jen and Lindsay just stopped by, and it made me smile. Sorry my house was messy, but I've just been laying around for two days straight, heh.
I remember last year when I got sick, and it makes me smile...don't ask.
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[16 Sep 2004|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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I don't think this is going to get any better. What do you expect me to do with someone constantly harassing me? I'm getting increasingly tired of this bullshit.
Anyways, I still feel pretty lousy. Just another day of sitting around. Hoo-ray!
"You know you do, you kill me well."
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[15 Sep 2004|10:10pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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I just wish everything was okay.
"You feel you have nothing, but darling you know, I feel that way too..."
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| Baaaah! |
[15 Sep 2004|12:49pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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So, turns out I've got a pretty wicked infection. My tonsils are covered in puss, and the infection has already moved to my kidneys, causing some pretty severe back pain. I can't go back to school until Friday, if then even. And for once I don't want to be missing school. Weird huh? I just can't afford to fall behind again. Gah, stupid body that's falling apart.
Assumptions are never good. I've made them too much. But last night made me more angry than I think I've ever been. If you've been reading my journal (you know who you are), please just stop. I'm asking nicely. Nothing I write in here is any of your business, and I frankly want nothing to do with you. And you aren't going to be able to keep us from being friends, so just give it up already.
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." - Bill Cosby
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| This ship will sink. |
[13 Sep 2004|11:12pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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I can't help but question all of this.
"This is the way I would have done things, up against the wall, up against your wall."
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| My day going to all hell |
[13 Sep 2004|03:42pm] |
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mood |
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nauseated |
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So today I turned off my alarm in my sleep again. I didn't wake up until about noon, I got really frustrated and upset and it made my head start hurting again. So I ended up getting another migraine and having to take my medicine which made me dizzy and start seeing double. Decided it would be best if I went back to sleep. My mom came home, called me into work, left me note, and I just woke up again. So this pretty much just fucking sucks. What a waste. I wonder what Suicide Tuesday will bring.
I wonder why I even woke up today.
"I thought we could talk through red paper cups..."
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| w00t! |
[12 Sep 2004|10:56pm] |
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mood |
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nauseated |
] |
Yay for getting a new computer! It's about friggin' time!
Well, no point in updating about all the time I had no computer, my life isn't very interesting anyways.
Today I went and saw Garden State with Rachel, Chris, Kasey, Sara, Katrina, Erin, Josh, Justin, Lyle and Ricco. It was good, kinda depressing, but I really liked it. I also have had a migraine all night, so it's hard to enjoy something when it hurts to have your eyes open. All the Frankenmuth kids might be coming down for the homecoming game ^_^ I just gotta figure out where to keep them all ahaha.
Well, all I can say is yay for the new computer. Be ready for more pointless entries from Alli all the time now. Yay.
"Mark these words, One day this chalk outline will circle this city..."
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[07 Sep 2004|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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How can I let someone make me feel so awful, yet I somehow still care so much. I'm not sure that even if I explained how it makes me feel that you'd even understand. You've got your new life and new friends and I don't feel like I'm at all important to you anymore. That's not even close to all of it. You asked me not to write entries like this, but what am I supposed to do?
Last night my mom didn't want to leave me home alone because she was afraid I'd kill myself. Don't get me wrong I've been miserable since school started and then all this other nonsense, but...I don't know. I can feel it coming again; the black wave, swallowing me whole.
I haven't felt this bad since the fourth of July. I have a lot I could say to you, but I think you'd take it all wrong. I want to know if you still even care about me anymore.
School can only bring this depression that I thought was getting better. I just want a day where I can stop thinking all negative thoughts and just feel okay for once.
I've got a lot more I could ramble about, but I'll stop now.
"The days they don't matter, it's the months I can't take; When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away..."
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[04 Sep 2004|06:39pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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I was so happy, but I just have this sinking feeling. It's like someone's tightening their fist around my heart. I should never have expectations. It's all such a waste.
"I will never make another promise (Without you), I will never make another promise (With you in mind)."
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| Two gay guys, a baby and the Spice Girls. Say what?! |
[31 Aug 2004|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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Hmm, so yesterday when I was hanging out with Molly and co. I noticed three bumps on my neck. Went to the doctor today, and he gave me some antibiotics that should hopefully make them go away. 'Cept the weird thing is that usually peoples lymph nodes(since I found out they are, not cysts like I originally thought) only swell up like this when a person is sick, but I'm not sick, so if they don't go away (hopefully they will) Dr. Walter is going to want to check if they're cancerous. Jinkies. I hope not (and doubt they are), but it's just weird. Can't I just be normal? Ah yes, and school has started out shitty. Casey overslept yesterday and never picked me up so I was late, today my alarm never went off and I didn't hear Molly knocking for me, so I missed journalism class. Gah. Well, I guess I shouldn't give the teachers some sort of false hope that I'll be on time right? Heh. So after I went to the doc's today I got my senior picture proofs. Eh, so I noticed when I smile one eye is squintier than the other and it really looks stupid. Bah. Whatever. I'm not a fan of my life right now(mostly my pathetic self-loathing kicking in). I hope this year starts improving... Tonight I'm going to the local, should be a kickass show and I'm glad I got work off.
Until later kids...
Damn not having a computer.
"Brash and hopeful, that my luck will not parish tonight."
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[28 Aug 2004|11:42pm] |
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mood |
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 meh |
] |
No computer and no beer make Alli something something.
Go crazy?
Don't mind if I do!
Oooo Simpsons.
Made a suicide pact at work with Kay and Amy. Mass suicide at VG's shall ensue.
I'm not in a going to a party mood. Lots of people I don't know nor really care to know plus alcohol. Blech.
I'm content at Sean's. Not to happy about school starting though. Bah!
I'm done with all the random thoughts. Sorry for being such a waste of space.
"I am just a worthless liar."
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[25 Aug 2004|02:25am] |
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mood |
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blah |
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Nothing wants to go right for me lately.
I really hope Matt can fix my stupid computer.
"I thought you had me forever, but I'm sure you thought the same about me."
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[22 Aug 2004|11:27pm] |
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mood |
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morose |
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I hate my life right now so much. I can't even begin to tell you. I just wish I could die. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, it's just really how I feel. In thirty-two minutes it will be two years sinced Nick died. Two years sounds like such a long amount of time, but really it doesn't feel like it was that long ago. That's not even why I feel like shit though...
If only any of you had any idea.
The next time someone tries pressuring me into drinking I'll punch them in their goddamn face. I hate it when people do that. Don't try to make me do stuff that I don't want to do. I never want to see alcohol ever again right now to tell you the truth.
I have senior picutres tomorrow. I don't feel like going. I feel like sleeping and never waking up.
Every year around this time things seem to go right to hell. Fan-fucking-tastic.
"I'm a living Ludacris."- Sean Paro
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| "Oh God, Naomi's humping the tree again." |
[20 Aug 2004|10:40pm] |
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mood |
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 sore lower back ::shrugs:: |
] |
Computer's still not fixed. Next week it should be up and running. I'm at Lindsay and Sean's at the moment.
Got my ear pierced today. It effing hurts. Stupid cartilage.
Work mostly this weekend. Senoir pictures (the indoor addition) on Monday. Yee-haw.
Oh, btw Ang, lemme know when you get you package in the mail, k? Thanks.
"I don't think you understand how it feels to love someone that you're not allowed to love."
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[17 Aug 2004|10:38pm] |
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mood |
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 hot |
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Not feeling very social. I don't know why.
Today when I went out to eat with Carlee we talked about some stuff that really hit close to home. She doesn't know it, no one knows it, but I feel it. I guess it's good to know someone else feels the same way you do...
I just...I don't know...Don't feel very much like myself today. I can't stop thinking and it just makes me heart hurt.
"I'm finding it hard to believe we're in heaven."
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[17 Aug 2004|02:48am] |
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mood |
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irritated |
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So my brother left for college without fixing my computer. He's being pretty inconsiderate since he's gotten back and it's pissing my off because he's usually the most considerate person I know. I'm updating from Autumn's. I'm pretty pissed about my computer and someone in a truck is stalking Rachel we think. Fantastic.
"If you're a dream then come true."
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[15 Aug 2004|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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I'm sunburned, and today would have been much better had I not gotten very sick. I'll update more later when I don't feel like my head is in a vice.
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| "Are you two really girlfriends?" Hahaha |
[14 Aug 2004|03:43am] |
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mood |
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 alright |
] |
Tonight was fun. Met some pretty cool people. I'm particularly fond of Billy and Amanda, they were really nice. Some good ol' hanging out, talking to people I only see when they're drunk, hah.
I'm really glad Angie called me to tell me she's okay. It made me feel a lot better. Stupid hurricanes.
I was looking at the sky tonight, and through the clouds I could only see one star. It made me wonder something...and made me feel a little less alone. I wish I knew what star it was.
"I am not your star."
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